What is Interpersonal Communication?

     The word inter suggests with another, or connected to another. Communicating with another human being, face-to-face, is considered interpersonal interaction. Scholars use the term dyadic to refer to interaction involving two people. As if communicating with oneself is not complex enough, consider communication with another human being, who engages in his or her own complex intrapersonal communication. Further, consider this thought – in every one relationship, there are three relationships occurring simultaneously (the relationship with self each party has and then the relationship that is developing interpersonally). Interpersonal communication, therefore, is the complex process whereby two people exchange meaning to create understanding between them. This may be informal interaction with people – a stranger, family member, adult, child, clergy, doctor, etc. – or a formal interaction in an interview with potential employer, school counselor, or police.

     Interpersonal Communication is not limited to two individuals however; it also occurs among group members of three, four, five, or more. In this case, the quality interaction among these members is what is referred to as being ‘personal.’ The opposite of this personal, quality interaction is impersonal, cold, rather ‘official’ interaction. Therefore, dyadic (two-person) communication is only a part of the total experience of interpersonal interaction, which also could occur in small-group communication contexts.

     There is much to consider when understanding the nature of interpersonal communication and relationships. There are two perspectives of interpersonal communication, which are quantitative and qualitative perspectives. The first perspective is concerned with the number of people involved in the communication exercise, while the latter is concerned with the quality of interaction that occurs in different communication contexts. Adler and Proctor (2007) write that “using a qualitative perspective, interpersonal communication occurs when people treat one another as unique individuals, regardless of the context in which the interaction occurs or the number of people involved.” Therefore, consider that such communication occurs because we find value in the other person and in the relationship.

     Quality interpersonal communication is characterized by a number of factors. Qualitative relationships which are made possible through communication are rather unique in nature because they occur between individuals who forge a one-of-a-kind relationship that cannot be replicated. Such relationships create a sense of interdependency and, as such, what affects one affects the other. Think of a romantic relationship you have had. The rules, roles, routines created, are unique to that specific relationship, never to be reduplicated in another relationship. In essence “at the most basic level, the fate of the partners is connected (Adler and Proctor, 2007). Because the fates of the partners are connected in unique ways, the nature of one particular relationship cannot be replaced. What each partner brings to his or her relationship is quite different and such nature cannot be repeated or replaced by another person. Another unique characteristic of interpersonal communication is the amount of self-disclosure that occurs. Intimate interpersonal relationships are based on privileged communication and information disclosure. That is, partners are willing to share private and personal information with one another and are given access to secrets and often hidden information about each other that may make them vulnerable once revealed. This is the risk of intimate interpersonal communication and that is why the issue of trust is central to interpersonal self-disclosure. What we do know about self-disclosure based upon research is that the more we are willing to disclose to others, generally, the more willing others are to disclose with us. Of course, timing and being appropriate do matter. But, the exchange of depth leads to the openness of sharing. In multiple ways, Shrek understood the role of self-disclosure in relationships when he shared with Donkey that ogres have ‘layers’ – that ogres are more than others perceive them to be. View this YouTube video for a greater understanding of self-disclosure in interpersonal relationships:

Shrek – Ogres are Like Onions

     In interpersonal relationships there is also personal, internal satisfaction (intrinsic reward) that people derive from engaging others in quality interpersonal communication. You like to be in the company of your friends and engage in the unique interactions that you have experienced together. Such times together produce an emotional satisfaction that we as humans crave. Sometimes, the result is endless conversations about seemingly unimportant issues, but it is the act of interacting and communicating that is often more important than the content of such communication. Because of all of these characteristics of qualitative interpersonal communication, we do not often experience it with many people. There is a reason why our circle of face-to-face, interpersonal friends is few. Due to this fact, we can therefore conclude that qualitative interpersonal communication is scarce and it is this uncommonness that makes it valuable to people. No doubt you’ve heard the statement “keep your circle close”.

     A definition of interpersonal communication offered by Beebe, Beebe, and Redmond (2011) captures the subject as a distinctive form of communication, which they describe as a transactional form of human communication involving mutual influence, usually for the purpose of managing relationships. This definition encompasses three unique features of interpersonal communication, which are that: It is a unique and different form of communication, that involves mutual influence between the participants, and that helps individuals to manage their relationships (Webb and Thompson-Hayes, 2002).

     The benefits of rich, quality interpersonal relations are many and so are the drawbacks of social isolation. Social and physical well-being are related to quality association and interpersonal communication as evidence has confirmed. Socially connected people suffer significantly less from the following ailments than do social isolates: Headaches, the common cold, hypertension, heart attack, cirrhosis of the liver and premature death (Rees and Lutkins, 1967). Social connectedness also results in improved cognitive ability and memory (Ybarra et Al, 2008).

     This is a seemingly appropriate time to insert the social exchange theory. While a psychological theory, it does directly apply and affect interpersonal communication. The theory asserts that the relationships we choose to maintain are based upon a cost-benefit intrapersonal need. Essentially, the premise is that the relationships that offer us the most benefit with the least amount of effort, benefit us. While the theory is more complicated than simply stated here, it looks at three areas; the cost/benefit to us, a comparison level or a level of expectation in the relationship, and lastly, a comparison level of alternatives. Here, we assess if this individual is worth our time and/or if there is a better alternative in terms of longevity and benefit. Due to the fact that we stated above that we will have few interpersonal relationships within our life span, versus more surface acquaintances, we can see how the social exchange theory does indeed apply when deciphering if we choose to continue and/or grow a relationship. For more on the social exchange theory, view the following video:

Social Exchange Theory in Relationships: Definition, Examples & Predictions

Interpersonal Communication Secrets and Tips